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| All photos, unless otherwise stated, are from Nora's photo album.((Provenance: J. Godden.))\\ | All photos, unless otherwise stated, are from Nora's photo album.((Provenance: J. Godden.))\\ |
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| On 18 December 1872, a little over four years after Matilda died, the widowed TLM-P married again.((//Sydney Morning Herald//, 19 December 1872)) His second wife was Nora Clarina Barton (3 December 1846-12 May 1931).((She was baptised on 10 February 1847 according to Emily Mary Barton's family bible, Jeremy Long to J. Godden 6 May 1993. Nora's baptismal sponsors, according to the same source, were her uncle and aunt Nathaniel and Honoria Barton, and her father's cousin Lady Clarina (nee Susan Elizabeth Barton 1819-86, daughter of Hugh Barton who managed the family's Bordeaux wineries. Susan Barton married a distant cousin Eyre Massy who succeeded to the Irish title of [[wp>Baron_Clarina|Baron Clarina]] in 1810.)) | On 18 December 1872, a little over four years after Matilda died, the widowed TLM-P married again.((//Sydney Morning Herald//, 19 December 1872)) His second wife was Nora Clarina Barton (3 December 1846-12 May 1931). Her unusual second name was due to one of her godmothers. According to her mother's family bible, Nora was baptised on 10 February 1847 with her godparents listed in the bible as her uncle and aunt Nathaniel and Honoria Barton, and her father's cousin Lady Clarina.((Jeremy Long to J. Godden, 6 May 1993, about the Barton family bible)) The latter was nee Susan Elizabeth Barton 1819-86, daughter of Hugh Barton who managed the family's Bordeaux wineries. Susan Barton married a distant cousin Eyre Massy who succeeded to the Irish title of [[wp>Baron_Clarina|Baron Clarina]] in 1810.\\ |
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| It was common for colonial widowers to remarry within five years of their first wife's death, and to marry younger single women.((Peter McDonald and Patricia Quiggin, 'Lifecourse transitions in Victoria in the 1880s', //Families in Colonial Australia// ed. P. Grimshaw, C. McConville and Ellen McEwen, Sydney: George Allen & Unwin, 1985, pp.74-75.)) But in this case, the age difference was at the extremes. Nora was 27 years younger than her husband and only two years older than her eldest stepson. It was not an easy relationship for any of the family to manage, but it appears to have worked. It helped that Nora gave, to her eldest stepdaughter Rosa Praed at least, the impression of being placid,((Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', Social History of Medicine Journal,p.440)) although her correspondence suggests that, while ultimately pragmatic, there was a great deal of introspection and emotional turmoil behind her calm surface.\\ | It was common for colonial widowers to remarry within five years of their first wife's death, and to marry younger single women.((Peter McDonald and Patricia Quiggin, 'Lifecourse transitions in Victoria in the 1880s', //Families in Colonial Australia// ed. P. Grimshaw, C. McConville and Ellen McEwen, Sydney: George Allen & Unwin, 1985, pp.74-75.)) But in this case, the age difference was at the extremes. Nora was 27 years younger than her husband and only two years older than her eldest stepson. It was not an easy relationship for any of the family to manage, but it appears to have worked. It helped that Nora gave, to her eldest stepdaughter Rosa Praed at least, the impression of being placid,((Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', Social History of Medicine Journal,p.440)) although her correspondence suggests that, while ultimately pragmatic, there was a great deal of introspection and emotional turmoil behind her calm surface.\\ |
| Part of Nora's success as a second wife and stepmother was her adaptability, boosted by her having had a much less sheltered life than many middle-class women in the Victorian age.\\ | Part of Nora's success as a second wife and stepmother was her adaptability, boosted by her having had a much less sheltered life than many middle-class women in the Victorian age.\\ |
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| ===== Nora's family and early career ===== | ==== Nora's family and early life ==== |
| Nora's parents were Emily Mary Barton (nee Darvall) and Robert Johnston Barton. Matilda and Nora had one thing in common: their fathers were both not-very-successful graziers. Robert Barton's property, where Nora was born, was Boree Nyrang near Orange in western NSW.((David Rutherford, //Boree Nyrang: the story of a property and a family home// Forster: David Rutherford, c.1998.)) Like TLM-P, Nora's parents had migrated in an attempt to recover their family fortunes. In Nora's case, a grandfather had reputedly been a friend of the Prince Regent (later [[wp>George_IV_of_the_United_Kingdom|King George IV]]), whose extravagant lifestyle and gambling tended to be beyond even his own royal means let alone that of his cronies.((TLM-P, Diary, 27 June 1882)) Nora was one of Emily and Robert's 10 children, one of whom died in infancy. Her mother Emily was left with the responsibility of the children when, in 1863, Robert died unexpectedly. Emily consequently sold the property and moved to Gladesville in Sydney where she lived for the rest of her life.((Judith Godden,//The Matriarch of Rockend: Emily Mary Barton, more than Banjo Paterson’s grandmother//, Ryde History Series No.13, Ryde District Historical Society, 2021.[[http://www.rydehistory.org.au/our-published-works/]]))\\ | Nora's parents were Emily Mary Barton (nee Darvall) and Robert Johnston Barton. Matilda and Nora had one thing in common: their fathers were both not-very-successful graziers. Robert Barton's property, where Nora was born, was Boree Nyrang near Orange in western NSW.((David Rutherford, //Boree Nyrang: the story of a property and a family home// Forster: David Rutherford, c.1998.)) Like TLM-P, Nora's parents had migrated in an attempt to recover their family fortunes. In Nora's case, a grandfather had reputedly been a friend of the Prince Regent (later [[wp>George_IV_of_the_United_Kingdom|King George IV]]), whose extravagant lifestyle and gambling tended to be beyond even his own royal means let alone that of his cronies.((TLM-P, Diary, 27 June 1882)) Nora was one of Emily and Robert's 10 children, one of whom died in infancy. Her mother Emily was left with the responsibility of the children when, in 1863, Robert died unexpectedly. Emily consequently sold the property and moved to Gladesville in Sydney where she lived for the rest of her life.((Judith Godden,//The Matriarch of Rockend: Emily Mary Barton, more than Banjo Paterson’s grandmother//, Ryde History Series No.13, Ryde District Historical Society, 2021.[[http://www.rydehistory.org.au/our-published-works/]]))\\ |
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| Nora may have had another family link to TLM-P: possibly her uncle (from 1877, Sir) [[http://adb.anu.edu.au/biography/darvall-sir-john-bayley-3370|John Darvall]] had been educated by the [[tlm-p_s_childhood|Rev. William Drury]], as had TLM-P.((The //Australian Dictionary of Biography// states that John Darvall was educated at Eton, but Isobel Hannah claimed that he was educated by Drury, Isobel Hannah, 'The Royal Descent of the First Postmaster-General of Queensland', //Queensland Geographical Journal//, vol. LV, 1953-54, p.11. Possibly both statements are correct.))\\ | Nora may have had another family link to TLM-P: possibly her uncle (from 1877, Sir) [[http://adb.anu.edu.au/biography/darvall-sir-john-bayley-3370|John Darvall]] had been educated by the [[tlm-p_s_childhood|Rev. William Drury]], as had TLM-P.((The //Australian Dictionary of Biography// states that John Darvall was educated at Eton, but Isobel Hannah claimed that he was educated by Drury, Isobel Hannah, 'The Royal Descent of the First Postmaster-General of Queensland', //Queensland Geographical Journal//, vol. LV, 1953-54, p.11. Possibly both statements are correct.))\\ |
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| ==== The marriage ==== | ==== Marriage ==== |
| TLM-P had a strong need to remarry: to provide a stepmother for his eight surviving children, the youngest of whom (Egerton) was 6 years old. Yet Nora's maternal suitability was not his only consideration. There is a letter from TLM-P to Nora nine days before they married - handle it carefully as it is still smoking with passion! TLM-P's letter was desperate as it appears Nora had cold feet, most likely because she became aware of his illegitimate children: he implored her to have faith in him as a husband, underlining 'I love you. I want you'.((M-P family papers, NLA MS 7801, Special Set 14, folder 20)) She believed him enough to go ahead with their wedding at St Anne's Church of England,[[wp>Ryde,_New_South_Wales| Ryde]] on 18 December 1872. One of the witnesses to the wedding was TLM-P's daughter Lizzie.((BDM, registration number 3393/1872; St Anne' Parish Register, microfilm 0110, Society of Australian Genealogists.)) The day before, TLM-P signed a marriage settlement ensuring her an income in widowhood, with her two sisters' husbands as trustees.((TLM-P, Last will and testament, 1892. As noted above, after Henry Martin moved to England with a cloud over his reputation, TLM-P got him to renounce his role as trustee ((Diary 5 July 1882, ML.))\\ | TLM-P had a strong need to remarry: to provide a stepmother for his eight surviving children, the youngest of whom (Egerton) was 6 years old. Yet Nora's maternal suitability was not his only consideration. There is a letter from TLM-P to Nora nine days before they married - handle it carefully as it is still smoking with passion! TLM-P's letter was desperate as it appears Nora had cold feet, most likely because she became aware of his illegitimate children: he implored her to have faith in him as a husband, underlining 'I love you. I want you'.((M-P family papers, NLA MS 7801, Special Set 14, folder 20)) She believed him enough to go ahead with their wedding at St Anne's Church of England,[[wp>Ryde,_New_South_Wales| Ryde]] on 18 December 1872. One of the witnesses to the wedding was TLM-P's daughter Lizzie.((BDM, registration number 3393/1872; St Anne' Parish Register, microfilm 0110, Society of Australian Genealogists.)) The day before, TLM-P signed a marriage settlement ensuring her an income in widowhood, with her two sisters' husbands as trustees.((TLM-P, Last will and testament, 1892. As noted above, after Henry Martin moved to England with a cloud over his reputation, TLM-P got him to renounce his role as trustee ((Diary 5 July 1882, ML.))\\ |
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| ===== Stepchildren ===== | ===== Stepchildren ===== |
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| As well as having these eight children of her own, seven of whom survived infancy, Nora was stepmother to the eight surviving children from TLM-P's first marriage to Matilda Harpur - making 15 in total. While many of these children had significant problems as adults, notably alcoholism, her relations with them were generally positive. It is significant that the level-headed eldest son of the family, Thomas de M. M-P, appreciated his stepmother. One piece of evidence is a two-volume book by the explorer Henry Stanley,((//Through the Dark Continent//, London, 1878. Provenance: J. Godden.)) which he gave to Nora with, as he wrote in them, his 'best love'. Nora also demonstrated her goodwill when she named her first daughter Matilda. Her choice of second name Aimee (meaning beloved) could apply to both Matildas.\\ | As well as having these eight children of her own, seven of whom survived infancy, Nora was stepmother to the eight surviving children from TLM-P's first marriage to Matilda Harpur - making 15 in total. The older stepchildren were a similar age to Nora. While many of these children had significant problems as adults, notably alcoholism, her relations with them were generally positive. It is significant that the level-headed eldest son of the family, Thomas de M. M-P, appreciated his stepmother. One piece of evidence is a two-volume book by the explorer Henry Stanley,((//Through the Dark Continent//, London, 1878. Provenance: J. Godden.)) which he gave to Nora with, as he wrote in them, his 'best love'. Nora also demonstrated her goodwill when she named her first daughter Matilda (always called Meta). Her choice of second name Aimee (meaning beloved) could apply to both Matildas. It is probably no coincidence that, a year after Nora did so, her eldest stepdaughter Rosa Praed also called her first-born Matilda (always called Maud). Rosa and Nora bonded over common interests including a love of literature and a distaste for constant childbirth. Nora, as with others in the family, welcomed Rosa's gifts of her latest book, no matter how controversial. They corresponded regularly and intimately, with 66 of Nora's letters to 'My dearest Rosie' surviving - sadly, Rosa's to Nora haven't survived. Nora's love for Rosa was passed on to Dorothy and Ruth, her two youngest daughters. In their letters, Rosie was 'Dearest Rosie' and they signed themselves 'Your loving sister'. ((M-P family papers, NLA, Box 4, folder 26.))\\ |
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| Nora's eldest stepdaughter, Rosa Praed, was only five years older, and they bonded over common interests including a distaste for constant childbirth and a love of literature. Nora was among the family to welcome Rosa's gifts of her latest book, no matter how controversial it was. It is probably no coincidence that, a year after Nora did so, Rosa also called her first-born Matilda. They corresponded regularly and intimately, with 66 of Nora's letters to 'My dearest Rosie' surviving - sadly Rosa's to Nora haven't survived. Nora's love for Rosa was passed on to her young daughters when they all lived in London. Rosie was 'Dearest Rosie' in Dorothy and Ruth's letters, and they signed themselves 'Your loving sister'. ((M-P family papers, NLA, Box 4, folder 26.))\\ | |
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| ==== Pregnancies ==== | ==== Pregnancies ==== |
| A factor in Nora's attitude towards her pregnancies was that childbirth in Queensland was highly dangerous, more so than in Europe or the southern colonies. Nora's fear of dying in childbirth was well-founded. In 1878 the maternal death rate peaked at one mother dying for every 188 live births - and this figure excludes later deaths from birth injuries. For most of Nora's child-bearing years, her chances of dying in childbirth were around 1:200.((Kay Saunders and Katie Spearritt, 'Is there life after birth? Childbirth, death and danger for settler women in colonial Queensland', //Journal of Australian Studies//, 29, June 1991, pp.64-79.)) In Queensland in 1875, 55.2 mothers died for every 10,000 births; in 1885 the figure was 59.1:10,000 births.((Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', Social History of Medicine Journal, p.443)) Additionally, the chances of the baby dying was high: in 1857, nearly 10.5 per cent of infants died (excluding indigenous births).((Ross Patrick, A History of Health & Medicine in Queensland 1824-1960, St Lucia: University of Queensland Press, 1987, p.31.))\\ | A factor in Nora's attitude towards her pregnancies was that childbirth in Queensland was highly dangerous, more so than in Europe or the southern colonies. Nora's fear of dying in childbirth was well-founded. In 1878 the maternal death rate peaked at one mother dying for every 188 live births - and this figure excludes later deaths from birth injuries. For most of Nora's child-bearing years, her chances of dying in childbirth were around 1:200.((Kay Saunders and Katie Spearritt, 'Is there life after birth? Childbirth, death and danger for settler women in colonial Queensland', //Journal of Australian Studies//, 29, June 1991, pp.64-79.)) In Queensland in 1875, 55.2 mothers died for every 10,000 births; in 1885 the figure was 59.1:10,000 births.((Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', Social History of Medicine Journal, p.443)) Additionally, the chances of the baby dying was high: in 1857, nearly 10.5 per cent of infants died (excluding indigenous births).((Ross Patrick, A History of Health & Medicine in Queensland 1824-1960, St Lucia: University of Queensland Press, 1987, p.31.))\\ |
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| Nora's modernity also showed itself in her rejection of pain in childbirth. For numerous reasons, pain had traditionally been seen as beneficial.((for an excellent summary, see Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', //Social History of Medicine Journal//, pp.448-53)) Dr Henry Lightoller, a grandson of Matilda's sister Rose Haly, had an opposing attitude. Nora M-P strongly disapproved of his refusal to offer pain relief in childbirth, even to his own wife Minnie who had a pelvic deformity which meant childbirth was agonising. The only time he allowed Minnie chloroform was when he needed to use instruments to birth the baby. Nora, as she wrote to Rosa Praed, considered \\ | Nora's modernity also showed itself in her rejection of pain in childbirth. For numerous reasons, pain had traditionally been seen as beneficial.((for an excellent summary, see Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', //Social History of Medicine Journal//, pp.448-53)) Dr Henry Lightoller, a grandson of Matilda's sister Rose Haly, was a traditionalist as far as childbirth pain was concerned. Nora M-P strongly disapproved of his refusal to offer pain relief in childbirth, even to his own wife Minnie who had a pelvic deformity which meant childbirth was agonising. The only time he allowed Minnie chloroform was when he needed to use instruments to birth the baby. Nora wrote to Rosa Praed that 'Dr Lightoller is a staunch opponent of Chloroform tho' his chief argument against it seems to be the cowardice of taking it which I think is a question for the sufferer to decide, and could not help telling him what I felt keenly, that were it a misfortune to which both sexes were liable chloroform would have been given years ago. He looked astounded at my venturing to discuss the subject, looking on it as becoming in a man and a doctor to lay down the law – for women ‘theirs is not to reason why – theirs but to suffer and die - a view of the case against which I, as one of the suffering class, protest vehemently. He is a good little dogmatic man, skilful in his degree and he has the best wife that ever trod shoe leather - but I wish she would no be so submissive as regards chloroform.’ - though how she could effectively oppose her husband/doctor was not stated.\\ |
| \\ 'Dr Lightoller is a staunch opponent of Chloroform tho' his chief argument against it seems to be the cowardice of taking it which I think is a question for the sufferer to decide, and could not help telling him what I felt keenly, that were it a misfortune to which both sexes were liable chloroform would have been given years ago. He looked astounded at my venturing to discuss the subject, looking on it as becoming in a man and a doctor to lay down the law – for women ‘theirs is not to reason why – theirs but to suffer and die - a view of the case against which I, as one of the suffering class, protest vehemently. He is a good little dogmatic man, skilful in his degree and he has the best wife that ever trod shoe leather - but I wish she would no be so submissive as regards chloroform.’ - though how she could ensure she was given it by her husband/doctor was not stated.\\ | |
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| Nora went on to say that Minnie told her 'that she had been 12 hours in the most fearful agony, at the end of which they had given her chloroform which had brought it on so they could use instruments'. Nora's view was that she 'would want to know a very good reason why before I would suffer like that in deference to my husband's general principle and it stands to reason that she would recover better if she were not so long ill and in pain'. She was indignant that Dr Lightoller had made Minnie promise not to expect chloroform unless it was necessary for him to use instruments.((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 3 April 1881, M-P papers, JOQ, OM81-71.)) The reasons for Dr Lightoller's reluctance to use chloroform was influenced by the common religious view that women were ordained since Eve to give birth in pain, as well as concern about its safety. It was also in keeping with the general reluctance of Brisbane Hospital doctors to use anaesthetics, even for amputations and other major surgery, even years after its use was routine elsewhere.((John Tyrer, //History of the Brisbane Hospital and its affiliates. A pilgrim's progress//, Brisbane: Boolarong Publications, 1993, pp.61.))\\ | Nora went on to say that Minnie told her 'that she had been 12 hours in the most fearful agony, at the end of which they had given her chloroform which had brought it on so they could use instruments'. Nora's view was that she 'would want to know a very good reason why before I would suffer like that in deference to my husband's general principle and it stands to reason that she would recover better if she were not so long ill and in pain'. She was indignant that Dr Lightoller had made Minnie promise not to expect chloroform unless it was necessary for him to use instruments.((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 3 April 1881, M-P papers, JOQ, OM81-71.)) The reasons for Dr Lightoller's reluctance to use chloroform was influenced by the common religious view that women were ordained since Eve to give birth in pain, as well as concern about its safety. It was also in keeping with the general reluctance of Brisbane Hospital doctors to use anaesthetics, even for amputations and other major surgery, years after its use was routine elsewhere.((John Tyrer, //History of the Brisbane Hospital and its affiliates. A pilgrim's progress//, Brisbane: Boolarong Publications, 1993, pp.61.))\\ |
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| Nora did not live with many of the rights we now take for granted, including control over her own children. After TLM-P's death, her brother Charles (Charlie) Barton was one of her trustees; it was her trustees who, as Charles bluntly told Nora, were responsible for her young children. Given gender divisions, he considered he knew best when it came to her sons. In 1896, four years after TLM-P died, he informed Nora that her 'boys are acting the goat in Brisbane ... they being boys [are] full of nonsense spirits are kicking over the ropes'. With the youngest 10 years old, they were, he insisted, getting beyond her control and should be sent to a good boarding school; he suggested Ipswich Grammar. He then appealed to her maternal concerns: that it was 'a matter of supreme importance that your boys should get every advantage.' He was not advising something he would not do to his own children: he'd just sent his three daughters to boarding school and as soon as his sons shed their milk teeth, 'off they go too'.((M-P family papers, NLA, Box 4, folder 22.)) Nora had little choice, but accepted his advice.\\ | Nora did not live with many of the rights we now take for granted, including control over her own children. After TLM-P's death, her brother Charles (Charlie) Barton was one of her trustees; it was her trustees who, as Charles bluntly told Nora, were responsible for her young children. Given gender divisions, he considered he knew best when it came to her sons. In 1896, four years after TLM-P died, he informed Nora that her 'boys are acting the goat in Brisbane ... they being boys [are] full of nonsense spirits are kicking over the ropes'. With the youngest 10 years old, they were, he insisted, getting beyond her control and should be sent to a good boarding school; he suggested Ipswich Grammar. He then appealed to her maternal concerns: that it was 'a matter of supreme importance that your boys should get every advantage.' He was not advising something he would not do to his own children: he'd just sent his three daughters to boarding school and as soon as his sons shed their milk teeth, 'off they go too'.((M-P family papers, NLA, Box 4, folder 22.)) Nora had little choice, but accepted his advice.\\ |